A different approach

All of us can get our feelings hurt at one time or another. Used to be that when my feelings got hurt, I would lash out and be a smart aleck by what I said. It was most always something I shouldn’t have said because that usually causes more hurt feelings and adds additional, unnecessary drama. Heaven knows I avoid drama like the plague but sometimes it hunts you down!
As I have worked on my relationship with Christ, I am praying more about my relationships with people. Let me tell you, when you start doing that, boy do you and those relationships, seem to really get tested!
Now, when someone hurts my feelings, I retreat. I keep my mouth shut and I just withdraw for a time. During that withdrawal time, I reflect on why my feelings were hurt and whether or not the person meant to do it. Most of all, I pray. I pray for that person, yes, but I pray even harder for myself. Lord, check me, change me, heal me.
I have found doing this allows me to get over the hurt feelings much faster. Unfortunately, people just don’t seem to appreciate this new tactic of mine at times.
I guess because it is not typical of me, based on my past, or they just don’t understand.
Each of us have to deal with hurt feelings in our own way and retreating has become my answer to be more Christ-like and not lash out.
Sometimes, people don’t even know that they have hurt their feelings. They don’t realize that it wasn’t even what they said, but what they said or how they said it that was hurtful.
I am not immune from hurting someone’s feelings but I have never intentionally set out to do so and I don’t think most people do it intentionally either.
Feelings can change like the wind and are sometimes fickle and unreliable. It’s amazing how much we let them have their way in our lives. Yes, they are real, but are emotional reactions. During holidays, emotions tend to be more fragile and feelings can get hurt more easily than at other times. I am trying to take all of these things into consideration and be more intentional in my relationships.
For Christians, we have something much wiser and more reliable to follow than our feelings, and that’s God’s word.
My feelings got hurt not once but a few times over the holidays. Once because I made a request of someone. It was okay that they said no but what they said and how they said it were unnecessary. For a few minutes, I felt unloved and worthless.
But that is not true and those were feelings I was choosing, not the person making me feel that way. I am loved by the King of the universe and He has determined my worth. Therefore, I have to rise above the feelings and let God be the determining factor for me.
It’s up to us to accept or choose feelings when people are unkind. I try to remember that I am not walking in their shoes and do not know what may or may not be going on in their life. They may be having a really hard time themselves.
We also need to remember that we are in control of how we react during those times. That’s why I now retreat instead of lashing back. If people take it the wrong way, that’s not my problem. If they would take the time to communicate, they might have a better understanding.
Thanks to social media, people assume they know you because of your posts. Nothing is further from the truth. Because I am also a minister, people tend to forget that I am also human and make mistakes because God is not finished with me yet. I never have presumed to be perfect, I’m a sinner like everyone else who God gave His grace and mercy to and who forgives me when I fall short.
When you post something or do something to vent or doesn’t fit in with their perception of you, then you are not living up to what you preach. We need to quit making assumptions about people and who they are. Unless you walk in someone’s shoes every single day, there is no way you really know them. I haven’t ever posted something unsavory, mean or cruel so that’s a different thing altogether.
People can be in marriages for years and find out things about their spouse they didn’t know.
Sometimes when someone is constantly hurting our feelings, we ask God to remove them from our lives. There are times He does, but we need to strive to be content where we are and be grateful. Perhaps this particular person is being used to sharpen us in a particular area.
The enemy, satan, is real and not with red horns, a pitchfork and pointed tail. He knows our weaknesses and uses them against us which means sometimes using other people. One area where he can make strides is with our emotions. That’s why it’s important to us to focus on God’s word, spend time with Him and make Him the number one priority in our lives. When you do that, you find that you don’t let your emotions rule your life. Try to take a different approach when people hurt your feelings and always pray for them. Blessings to you. ©2017

VICTORIA SIMMONS is an author, columnist, motivational speaker, minister and publisher of The Georgia Post/Byron Buzz. Contact her at: vsimmons54@gmail.com

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About vsimmons54

Veteran journalist of 40 years. Editor, Motivational Speaker, Ordained Minister, CEO of A Light in the Darkness Ministries, Lensclusive Photography, Babbling Brook Consulting and Design, event planner and author. I love to write and speak and I love Jesus. I also do copy writing and editing. Recently co-authored Vanished Towns Revisited.
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